This month, my articles have focused on the joys and rewards of family storytelling. In my own home, I create interactive stories with my children, whereby each of us contributes an idea, a character, or a plot twist until we’ve woven together an entire tale. Storytelling, as we’ve discovered, is a great activity for building bonds between parent and child, stimulating a child’s imagination and creativity, and teaching children the power of words.

That’s great for younger kids, but what about teenagers? Does storytelling have to end when your child turns thirteen?  

Absolutely not. Storytelling is a great way for parents to communicate and connect with teens. I started creating stories with my own two sons when they were two or three years old. They’re now thirteen and eleven, but they still look forward to storytelling with Dad. I joke that when they go off to college, I may have to skype my stories to them every evening.

If you established a storytelling tradition with your teens when they were young, you’re a step ahead.  The best way to communicate with teens is to lay a foundation when they’re young for honest, open, and direct conversation.

If you didn’t tell stories to your teens when they were little, you might be saying to yourself, “Our teenagers are far too independent now to want to spend time telling stories with their parents.”

Don’t be so sure.  It’s never too late to start a storytelling tradition. Remember, you’ve got a couple of things going for you.

Teenagers—as much as they claim not to—value the guidance of parents. Though they may feign disinterest, children carefully study the examples the grown-ups in their lives set for them. Teenagers want someone to look up to, and they’ll always remember the parent, teacher, or mentor who stood out for them.

Teens are also at the point in their lives when they’re experiencing many emotions and events for the first time, such as love, peer pressure, and finding their place in the world. It’s the age when many teens begin to write poetry and love songs, or perhaps keep a journal. Tap into their need for self-reflection by suggesting storytelling to them as an outlet. Stories can help teens understand the complexities of life they’re suddenly facing.

Still not convinced?  Here are some pointers to help you engage your teens in storytelling:

• Don’t telegraph your intentions.  A sure way to invite pushback is to ask, “Why don’t we tell a story together?”  Sometimes it’s best just to launch into your story. Then watch as the power of the story itself draws in your teen.

• Consider using a parable or fable to deliver a life lesson. Teens are very curious about the world around them and are brimming with concerns and questions about becoming an adult. A story about a fictional character facing a challenge provides the perfect opportunity to subtly give advice to teens in a similar situation. You know the story is about them, and they know the story is about them. But as long as you both keep up the façade, teens can shelter in the protective cover they need to absorb the advice you’re offering.

• By the time kids reach their teens, your storytelling will likely work best if it’s participatory. Let your teens create the story with you. It will get them to talk, and they might reveal inner feelings to you they’d otherwise have concealed had they not been telling a fictional story.

• There’s always space in teenagers’ lives for heroes whom they can look up to and emulate. Tell stories about people they admire, such as famous figures current and past, but imagine these heroes when they were themselves teenagers experiencing the same challenges as young people today.

• Better yet, tell stories of experiences you had when you were a teenager. If your teen is experiencing sadness, frustration, or loneliness, think back to a similar experience you had at their age and share that story with them.  According to Dr. Daniel Siegel, the most powerful predictor of a strong bond between child and parent is the parent’s ability to speak openly to the child about the parent’s own childhood.

• Finally, while you don’t want to sugarcoat the ending, tell a story that is encouraging, aspirational, or comforting in a way that lets teens know they aren’t the first people to experience these challenges or emotions.  A boost to fragile teenage psyches and confidence never hurts.

Storytelling brings out the values that teenagers are striving to embody, even amidst the turbulence of hormones pulling them in different directions. Teens welcome stories from parents that teach a lesson or a moral, as long as it’s not too obvious what you’re doing.

Who knows? Your teenager might even reward you afterward with that rarest of compliments—a thank you.

Does storytelling figure into your relationship with your teenager? 

Do you have any special techniques for communicating with teens?

What are your ideas for imparting values and life lessons to your children?

We invite you to comment on these and other questions raised about storytelling.

Coming up, the final article in this series: The Zen of Storytelling—Keeping Children Connected to the World Around Them.

… Please!   Just Five More Minutes!

… We’re almost done.

… We just need to finish this level!

Sound familiar?

Though there are many different parenting styles, many of us seem to share one common, overriding concern: how to limit the addictive influence video games can hold on our children’s lives.

In this month’s series advocating the benefits of family storytelling, one of my most frequently asked question is, how can storytelling possibly compete with video games? 

As one reader wrote: “I do hope that you can address what I know is bothering many parents—how do we tear our kids away from videogames and get them to sit with a book [or tell a story]? I hate competing with flashing lights and explosions.”

Maybe the answer is, storytelling and video games don’t need to compete, but can exist side by side in children’s lives.  The trick is to strive for balance.

Let’s start with a little context. First, don’t think of video games as the bad guy. After all, several commentators have made the case that video games are good for kids, improving, for example, a child’s dexterity and decision making.

In other words, video games do have their place, and when played in moderation, non-violent video games allow kids to have needed down time from their sometimes stressful, often overscheduled lives. But as parents know, video gaming is a passive activity, where the narrative and graphics are already created for, and projected to, the player.

By contrast, in terms of instilling creativity, self-reflection, and values, storytelling wins hands down.

Storytelling is an active art where children conjure up their own mental images as a story appears and unfolds, stimulating creative thought and play. Along with acting, drawing, reading, and playing a musical instrument, storytelling provides kids with the creative outlets they need and crave.

And that’s the key to bringing storytelling into kid’s lives. Because everyone—toddlers, kids, teens, and adults—love a good story. It’s this innate need you can rely on.

When I’m telling a story to a group of children, I know I have my audience hooked when I look into their faces and see their mouths open in wonder, attention fixed on my every word. The need for stories is in our DNA, and kids are mesmerized by a good story, no matter how young or old they are.

Once you begin a storytelling tradition in your family, you’ll find that in every adolescent or teen there exists a youngster who grew up loving stories. Kids—no matter how technologically sophisticated or jaded by gaming and social media—long to be that impressionable child again, enthralled by one of your stories. Storytelling, in fact, becomes a means by which children can temporarily escape the pressures of growing up.

Finally, along with relying on your child’s natural love of story, look for effective times for storytelling . . . at bedtime after the lights are turned off, on shared walks with the dog, after a tiring day at school, during long car rides . . . and start a routine of telling stories during those special moments. Forming good habits, as we all know, is the best way to reduce unwanted ones.

And be encouraged. I’m beginning to see evidence of video game fatigue in my kids and their friends. Could it be that even they’ve become numbed by the hours of time spent pushing buttons and joysticks? As their fatuation with video games starts to wane, they’re actually re-discovering simple pleasures—shooting baskets, imaginative play, card and board games, and yes, storytelling.

One day soon, don’t be surprised to hear your child say, “I’m bored playing videos. Could you tell me a story instead?”

How do you feel about video games? Do they have their place? Are they a necessity?  Are they something to be banned? 

What are your strategies for limiting the use of video games, or for balancing video gaming with other activities?

Do you think storytelling would work in your family as an alternative to video gaming?

Share your comments at Parent Network.

For more about Storytelling, click here….

Stay tuned for more from John McCormick… Next up:  Storytelling with Tweens and Teens 

“So be sure when you step, step with care and great tact. And remember that life’s A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed)”  ~ Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

Not only can we learn so much from listening to the unbiased, unfiltered and innocent thoughts of children, we can also learn a lot from their storybooks.  Thank you, Dr. Seuss.

The Great Balancing Act is something that seems to get more difficult—rather than easier—as the years go on.  For the most part, children have it mastered.  They take time to sleep, eat, play, explore, learn, grow, laugh and cry.  As adults, we tend to lose that concept of balance.  We hardly even take the time to sit down and enjoy a well-balanced meal, let alone play.  Eating in your car doesn’t count. 

While we ourselves may not always succeed at all aspects of The Great Balancing Act, we have a few thoughts on how to help you incorporate real food into your life, maybe bringing life a bit more into balance in the process.

We know all of the nutrition information out there can be confusing, so we’ll try to make this as simple as possible. Follow these five simple rules, and you and your child will be one step closer to mastering the balancing act together.

#1 Eat balanced meals, at least three times a day

Please don’t skip meals–eat at least three times throughout the day.  Skipping meals always backfires, leaving you grouchy and unfocused and more likely to binge later in the day.  Planning ahead helps.  Keep a well-stocked pantry to make preparing snacks and meals easier and more efficient.

What do we mean by a balanced meal?  One that includes these three components:

1. Vegetables and/or fruit
2. Starch or grain
3. Protein-rich food

Instead of getting hung up on a food’s nutrition content—things like grams of sugar, fat and fiber—focus just on eating real foods.  You can find our definition for real food here.   There’s no need to add more work to your already-busy day by asking you to bring a calculator to the dinner table.

When you focus on eating real foods—in reasonable portions—with an emphasis on fruits and vegetables, whole grains, good-quality proteins and healthy fats, the nutrition takes care of itself.

So what do we mean by ‘reasonable portions’ or ‘moderation’?

In general, follow the plate method.  If you picture your small dinner plate, one-half of your plate should consist of non-starchy vegetables and maybe some fruit (technically, tomatoes are a fruit), one-fourth of your plate should contain a starchy vegetable or grain, and the other one-fourth of your plate should contain a protein-rich food like meat, fish, poultry or beans.  You can apply this same concept to breakfast and lunch, even if you’re eating oatmeal, or a sandwich.

Here are two examples:

For breakfast, you might have a cup of whole grain oats, topped with some chopped walnuts and fresh strawberries.  The oatmeal is a grain and also contains protein.  The walnuts are a good source of polyunsaturated fat and protein.  The strawberries, of course, are a fruit.

Or, you might have an open-faced egg sandwich—perhaps a piece of whole wheat toast topped with sliced avocado, fresh or sautéed spinach and a fried egg.  Again—whole grain + fruit and vegetable + good source of protein—a great option for breakfast, or even lunch, paired with a side of fruit or a small salad.

#2 Include snacks when you’re hungry or need an energy boost

If you’re like us, you might need a few extra snacks in-between meals to tide you over and keep you bright-eyed and focused throughout the day.  Most people feel their best when they nourish their bodies every three to five hours.  And when it comes to snacking, a balanced snack is going to help you feel better than an unbalanced one. Rather than reaching for that candy bar or bag of chips in the vending machine, aim to include these two components in a well-balanced snack:

1. Protein and/or healthy fat
2. Fiber-rich food

To see what are considered healthy fats and fiber-rich foods, read #3, below.

Here are a few examples of our favorite snacks:

• A little cheese on whole wheat bread, broiled until browned and melted—otherwise known as cheese toast
• Pear slices dipped in almond butter
• Hummus with vegetable spears or whole wheat pita chips
• Homemade nut mix, with walnuts, almonds, peanuts and dried fruit
• Greek yogurt topped with our own homemade granola

#3 Most of the time, choose high fiber, nutrient-dense carbohydrates

The best sources of carbohydrates are ones that are full of fiber and naturally-occurring nutrients.  These are found in fruits and vegetables, whole grains, beans and legumes.

When it comes to choosing your fruits and vegetables, eat the rainbow! Every color of a fruit or vegetable represents different phytonutrients and conveys unique health benefits.  For fruits, try pears, kiwi, mango, strawberries, cherries, raspberries, blueberries, papaya, bananas…the list is endless.

When it comes to vegetables, there are starchy vegetables and non-starchy vegetables.  Non-starchy vegetables contain more water, and so are less calorie-dense than starchy vegetables.  Remember the rainbow—be adventurous and try arugula, cauliflower, asparagus, brussels sprouts, eggplant, artichokes, pumpkin, turnips, kale, collard greens, mustard greens, zucchini and summer squash.

Starchy vegetables are more calorie-dense and should be consumed in smaller quantities.  But they should not be avoided!  Starchy vegetables—like white and sweet potatoes, yams, winter squash, carrots, beets, parsnips and sweet corn—add variety and interest to your meals.  And they are chock-full of good-for-you nutrients!

Examples of whole grains include whole wheat flour, oatmeal, quinoa, buckwheat, kamut, brown rice, barley, corn meal, spelt, rye…and the list goes on.  For beans and legumes, try pinto, kidney, black, cannellini, garbanzo, lentils, edamame and peanuts.

#4 Most of the time, choose heart-healthy fats

Most of the time, choose foods high in heart-healthy unsaturated fats— monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats, including omega-3 fatty acids.  Unsaturated fats include olive and canola oil, avocados, nuts and nut butters, seeds, and cold-water fish, like salmon and mackerel.  As always, use even healthy fats in moderation.

The fats you want to avoid are trans fats—those fats that are mostly found in processed foods and baked goods.  Look for the word hydrogenated on food labels—if a food label contains the word hydrogenated, that food contains trans fats.  Don’t buy that one.

Saturated fats have gotten a bad reputation over the past few years, but new research is showing that not all saturated fats are created equal.  If you like butter, lard or coconut oil, go ahead and use it—again, in moderation.  Avoid margarine and other fake fats.  We like to say that we trust cows, pigs and plants above chemists.

We don’t want to overwhelm you with too much nutrition information for one day, but if you’re interested, we explain the in-depth world of fats here.

#5: Balance nutrition with pleasure

Above all, take pleasure in eating!  Food is supposed to be enjoyed and savored—not feared.  If you have a food craving, allow yourself a single serving of something you really enjoy.  And do so with abundant thankfulness for the utter sensory pleasure and sense of well-being we receive from food.  Banish these words from your food dictionary—guilty (and its opposite—guilt-free), decadent, sinful—and any other words that equate morality with eating.

Remember, food nourishes your body and soul.

We hope these five rules will make it easier for you to achieve balance in your life—including planning the meals for you and your family.

To get you on your way, we’re sharing our recipe for the best granola ever.  

Keep this in your car, so you always have a snack at the ready. Eat a little with milk for breakfast, or use it as a topping for yogurt.  Add it to whole grain pancakes for Sunday brunch.

Stir it into your oatmeal.  Or do what we do, and eat a little handful when you start to get that mid-afternoon brain fog.  It also happens to make a great gift!

Make Some NourishRDs Granola

4 cups whole rolled oats

2 cups unsweetened flaked coconut or additional 1 cup whole rolled oats

½ cup ground flaxseed

2 cups nuts, such as sliced almonds, chopped walnuts, pistachios or pecans

1 teaspoon sea salt

1 teaspoon cinnamon

½ teaspoon ground ginger

¼ teaspoon cloves

½ cup grapeseed or canola oil

½ cup maple syrup

½ cup light brown sugar

2 teaspoons vanilla

2 cups unsweetened dried fruit, such as chopped apricots, cranberries, cherries or dates

Preheat oven to 250 degrees. Place two oven racks in the top and bottom thirds of the oven.

In a large bowl, combine oats, coconut (if using), flaxseed, chopped nuts, sea salt, cinnamon, ginger and cloves.

In another small bowl, whisk together oil, maple syrup, brown sugar and vanilla. Pour the maple syrup mixture over the dry ingredients and stir well to combine.

Divide oats mixture among two large rimmed baking sheets and spread to a thin layer. Place baking sheets on two racks in the oven and bake, about 1 ½ to 2 hours, stirring every 20 minutes, or until deeply golden brown. Halfway through cooking time, switch the placement of the pans to the other rack.

Remove from the oven and pour into a large bowl. Stir in dried fruit. Let granola cool completely before storing in an airtight container.

Makes ~45 servings, ¼ cup each

Enjoy.

How is your Great Balancing Act?  Not so great?  Okay?  The kids’?

Share your comments.  Ask Nourishrds your questions.  Read more from our Nourishing Partners here.

Write to  McKenzie Hall, RD and Lisa Dixon, MBA, RD at Parent TV Network.  Follow their link here, too…  

In the 1993 movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray plays an arrogant TV weatherman who, during a dreaded assignment covering the annual Groundhog Day event in Punxsutawney, finds himself living the same day over and over. Through trial and error, Bill learns to correct the mistakes he made the day before and escapes his time loop, redeeming himself in the process and winning the girl of his dreams.

Since Groundhog Day was only last week, it’s timely and appropriate to address a common complaint that bedevils all storytelling parents: what to do when your children ask you to repeat their favorite story night after night. 

Following up on my last post, one reader noted he enjoyed telling bedtime stories to his daughters, but lamented they often “want me to tell them the same story, again and again and . . . AGAIN!  This can get a little boring for me and sometimes I just run out of ideas on how to make the story interesting after telling it for the billionth time. Any advice?”

I had to smile. When my younger son was eight, he began his Star Wars phase, which lasted about two years. During this time, he asked me just about every night for a Star Wars story. I must have come up with about a thousand variations on the theme. I made up stories about Luke Skywalker as a young boy. Luke as old man. Luke in the next life. Luke in a previous life. I told stories about Obi-Wan saving Yoda from Darth Vader, Yoda saving Luke from Darth Vader, and Darth Vader saving them both from the Evil Emperor. I came up with so many ideas I almost wrote George Lucas for a job as a scriptwriter.

My son eventually outgrew his Star Wars phase, but it prompted me to ask, why do kids love telling the same story over and over again?

I came to the conclusion that kids simply enjoy the comfort and security of repetition, whether it’s playing the same board game, watching the same video, or telling the same story. Think of it as an emotional security blanket.

This is especially true for storytelling. One of the most important educational benefits of storytelling is that it provides the emotional security children need to experiment and test issues in their own lives. Storytelling allows children to take learning risks in a safe environment, where they can study a character’s problems or challenges from a distance. Children also like hearing the same story again and again, because they take comfort from the familiar and enjoyment in the retelling.

Many educational experts agree that children’s fondness for repetition is completely normal and healthy. According to the Waldorf School philosophy, repetition gives order to children’s lives, which they need to grow and mature in a healthy way. Repetition also allows children to delve more deeply and imaginatively into the meaning and language of a story.

These explanations, of course, don’t solve the problem for our reader who’s tearing his hair out after being asked to tell The Three Little Pigs for the umpteenth time. So what do you do?

One storytelling game I play with my kids is to come back to a story on successive days and change or refine it.  Begin each story as in a prior telling, but change the ending. Better yet, let your kids come up with a new ending. On another night, add a new challenge or problem. Play Groundhog Day with them. If one particular solution to a problem doesn’t work, try another the next time. Explore how the characters learn from their mistakes and what they should do differently the next time. This is a great way to instill self-reflection and an appreciation of values.

Through the process of repetition and alteration, kids will learn to adapt and improve. They’ll gain confidence telling and changing a story on their own, develop their memories, and pick up new words and phrases. Most importantly, they’ll begin to think of themselves as storytellers and not just as story listeners.

So when your child asks for the same story again and again, my advice is, go with the flow. After all, repetition – sprinkled with variation – is often the best way for kids to learn. As the old saying goes, practice makes perfect.

Do your children like repeating the same activities?

Do you have a favorite story in your family that the kids never grow tired of hearing? 

We invite you to comment on these and other questions raised about Storytelling.

…And coming up next:   Storytelling in the Age of Screens.

My wife, Chelsea, and I are proud first-time parents of our six-month-old newborn, Henry.  We are also both in the finance world.  I am a Financial Planner and Chelsea is a bookkeeper.  Anytime we get to talk about both families and finances we are happy campers, particularly for other parents starting out.

Although many would consider us both financial experts, we were NOT perfect at preparing financially for Henry.   However, I’d like to pass along six simple things we did learn (or should have done better):

1.    Save, Save, Save.

Babies are expensive.  While everyone knows this age-old truth, I would argue that your bundle of joy is the least expensive part of being a parent.  Babies actually need very little.  Most of the expense is instead the lost income if you stay at home or additional expense to hire a nanny.  Most couples don’t sit down and add up the cost (or lost income) to make this life change.  Saving all you can will help give you enough time to find the perfect nanny or to get used to a new lifestyle without a second income.

2.    Start a Budget.

Related to saving, you must know how much you are spending now to know how your spending will look after the baby is born.  A great exercise is trying to live now on the amount of income you’ll have after the baby is born.  Having a newborn at home is a lot of work and attempting to redo the budget at the same time is nearly impossible.  If you are not keeping a budget now, give Mint.com a shot.  Chelsea and I love it.

3.    Check your Disability Insurance.

The devil is in the details!  Unfortunately, not everyone has an easy birth experience and some women need to spend a few weeks – or a few months – on bed rest.  Check to see when your policy will start paying and if it covers pregnancy-related issues.  If you don’t know where to start, your local HR person will usually be a great resource.

4.    Set Up Online Bill Pay.

Medical bills, hospital bills, child care, babysitters, diaper delivery and the list goes on!  You will have bills and the easiest way to pay them is through your online bank account.  Most banks provide online bill pay for free.  You simply enter the name, amount, and address and the bank sends the checks for you – some banks even allow you to do this from your smartphone.  Any attempt to streamline your finances will go a long way when the “big day” finally arrives.

5.    Fund your HSA.

Many companies are moving away from traditional healthcare plans and making employees fund more of their own health costs.  With an HSA plan, you generally pay the first $1,000 to $3,000 out of your own pocket.  After you’ve met the required minimum the company will share any additional expenses – usually 80% paid by them, 20% paid by you thereafter.  For most couples, it is not a question of if you’ll hit a very large number but when you’ll hit it.  Sparing the boring details, there are some serious tax advantages to using your HSA to fund your medical expenses, especially if you are in a high income tax bracket.  Also, most plans allow you to roll over money from your IRA to your HSA – especially helpful if you are a bit strapped for cash.

6.    Ask for Help — Efficiently!

This may seem obvious, but asking for help is not only good for your stress level, but it is great for your bank account, too.  Best of all – most people want to help.  I asked a handful of our close friends to sign up to bring meals, help do chores, and give us a break by watching little Henry.  Asking for help is easy, but getting everyone organized is difficult.  Instead of creating an email chain that is confusing and a mile long, we’d recommend either Meal Train or Google Docs.  Both allow your friends and family to sign up to help without your involvement and without accidentally double-booking themselves.

About Travis Mann…

He also is an avid traveler and has visited over 30 countries on five continents.   Travis and his wife Chelsea live in Queen Anne and recently gave birth to their first child, Henry, in August 2011. They are enjoying the thrills and challenges of being new parents.

Read more about Family Money and family finances at Parent Network.

What other ripple effect can happen during a time when option overload sets in, and “leave me alone; I got it” is on the tongues of teens?   How do parents and educators avoid quick reactions and stop personalizing this time?

Julia Neiman, our special guest expert in parenting teens and teen life coach, continues to reinforce how communication and understanding teen development is critical.   A teenager’s transformative years is delicate – despite how their physical size makes parents and educators think otherwise.   Julia responds to other educators and coaches about the usefulness in  Avoiding Power Struggles with Your Teenager;

Jason, thank your for support. It means a lot to me since you are an advocate of the “parent as coach” approach to parenting teens as well as very accomplished teen coach.

Peggy Lee, you’re right, it’s important to start early and let your children know that you support them and love them no matter what. It makes it easier for them to be honest with you when they are teens if they have that experience from an early age.

Coach Perg, I agree with your insight that by making things better for our teens we make things better for society as well. It fits with something someone told me when I was a social worker – that I am not only saving the life of my client when I help transform their lives positively, I am also transforming the lives of everyone in their life, now and in the future. For every potential abuser we help not reach that potential, we are prevent abuse to their spouses, children, etc. It’s that ripple effect.

Pam, you are so right, we must empower the next generation, I think to be heart-centered and authentic people.

Alexandria, yes, we often miss verbal cues and make wrong assumptions. As parents, teachers and caregivers we need to learn not to take our teens’ behavior personally and not to project our “stuff” onto them. Kind words are the best words in every situation.

In recent years, our pets’ status in our lives has undergone a major upgrade. Americans own more pets, spend more money and take better care of them than ever.  Many owners’ now call themselves “pet parents” and their dogs, cats and other animals enjoy some of the same privileges and devotion as children. It’s not just an American thing, either. All over the world, pets are enjoying their day in the sun.

Why the upgrade? Keith Gordon, DVM, owner of Cornell Road Veterinary Clinic and medical director of the Oregon Friends of Shelter Animals says, “There’s a growing trend in the amount of time, money and effort people invest in their companion animals.  With more products and services available, there’s an increased standard of care expected for animals. Money that people used to spend on hobbies and recreation is now spent on pets because the personal rewards are greater.  Pets add value to our lives.  Families don’t live nearby any more and people are having fewer children, so pets provide love and companionship that keep us from feeling isolated.”

With more attention being focused on high-quality pet care, being “treated like a dog” has taken on a whole new meaning.  Dennis and Linda’s dachshund, Butch, has several beds, but co-sleeps with his “parents.” Every morning, Dennis and Linda walk and play with Butch. Then they put on his jacket, pack a toy bag and take him to daycare while they work.  Dennis says, “People might think it’s silly, but we’re having fun. Our kids are grown so now we’re making sure Butch is the happiest dog on the block.”

Sixty-three percent of American homes include pets, (a seven percent increase since the 1980s), which The American Pet Products Association says includes (in millions):

Birds                           16.2

Cats                            86.4

Dogs                           78.2

Equine                           7.9

Freshwater Fish        151.1

Saltwater Fish               8.61

Reptiles                          13

Small Animal               16

Americans spend $47.7 billion dollars on goods and services for their pets.  In contrast, they spend about $21.4 billion on children’s toys. What do pet owners get for their investment? According to research published by the American Psychological Association, pets are good for our mental health and serve as important sources of social and emotional support. Researchers found that pet owners were just as close to key people in their lives as to their animals and pets did not negatively impact their relationships with other people. They also determined that pet owners had greater self-esteem, were more physically fit, conscientious and extroverted and less lonely, fearful and preoccupied than non-owners.

Joe (75), has lived alone since his wife died two years ago.  He says getting a kitten (named Whiskey) was the best remedy to relieve his bottomless grief.  “My doctor told me, ‘Joe, you either need a pet or Prozac.  What’s it going to be?’ 

I chose the kitten and now I tell people Whiskey saved my life. I get achuckle out of that. Whiskey gives me someone to take care of and spend time with. She’s torn up my couch, but that’s OK, she’s entertainment. Whiskey’s the most fun I’ve had in years and I just don’t feel so lonesome anymore.”

Sharon Ward is an attorney, training officer for Pacific Crest Search Dogs and senior meditation teacher at The Movement Center, a yoga and meditation center in Portland, Oregon.  Sharon and her Rottweilers, Kunga and Seeker, conduct search and rescue missions to find people lost in the wilderness.  Ward is devoted to her dogs and respects what animals can teach us about the human experience.

Ward says, “Many people treat their pets with more love and respect than the humans in their lives.  They feel closer to them.  This is problematic from a human community perspective.  We need to be as be as kind and considerate to our spouse, partner, child or parent as we are to our pet.  Lots of people don’t make the effort to do that.  Dogs (and I speak of dogs because I have the greatest experience with them) are always happy to see you.  They’re grateful for their food, a warm place to stay and your company.  They absorb our tensions and problems.  They make us feel better.  Often times we can’t say that of our human companions.  But with their natural ability to live in the present moment, our pets can teach us a lot about how to be better people.”

Is there any downside to pet devotion?  Not according to Dennis and Linda who say Butch brings them closer together or to Joe who credits Whiskey with pulling him out of depression. Maybe that’s why two of the most popular bumper stickers sold read:

• God, please make me be the person my dog (cat) thinks I am.
• Wag More, Bark Less 

Tip–It isn’t enough to tell a child to say “No” to alcohol and drugs, you must teach them the skills they need to refuse and practice with them.

Keep in mind–Experts, such as those at the Comprehensive Health Education Foundation, tell us that it isn’t strangers who introduce drugs and alcohol to our children, it’s their friends and older siblings who usually make the items available.

And how easy is it to say no to someone you care about?

Judy Laik, author of the Decision Is Yours book, Under Whose Influence? recommends parents read the book with their school-aged child and discuss the character’s choices and the many story endings. “Many adults, much less children, don’t know that alcohol can seriously poison a child. Furthermore, if a child drinks too much strong alcohol, too quickly, it suppresses stomach nausea and can stop her breathing–and instead of just throwing up, she could easily die.”

Tools–The following techniques can help children say “No” effectively to their friends.

You’ll find more at Parent Network and you can learn more right now in  Under Whose Influence? by Judy Laik.

If you’re getting divorced, you’ll be heartened to know that the research shows kids can cope with a divorce and come out ok.  But often they don’t.  In fact, many children whose parents make the decision to divorce are emotionally wounded in a way that lingers throughout their lives.
Children whose parents are divorced:

• Don’t do as well academically and are less likely to go to college, partly because they don’t have a parent to pay for it.
• Are 25% more likely to abuse drugs by age 14.
• Are twice as likely to get divorced themselves.

The good news is that we know what the risk factors are that leave kids scarred.  The bad news is that avoiding these risks takes enormous maturity on the part of both parents.  The top risk factors for kids when parents divorce are:

• When parents keep fighting
• When one parent abandons the child or doesn’t stay in close contact
• When the child’s economic situation deteriorates

How can you protect your child?

1. First, reaffirm with the other parent that your child’s emotional health is your mutual priority. You may not be marital partners, but you will always be child-raising partners.  Keep reaffirming this to yourself every time you get mad at your ex.  Keep re-affirming it to your ex as you model maturity in all of your interactions.

2.  Avoid fighting with your ex, even during the divorce negotiations.  This will take great maturity, but think of it as in the best interests of your child.  If necessary, go to counseling together.

3. Model maturity to your kids throughout the divorce process by quickly resolving the financial issues and moving on.  For this reason, try to avoid litigation and instead use mediation.

4. It is in the best interests of the child to arrange shared custody so both parents stay equally involved in the child’s life. That means you have to give up half the custody.  But it will dramatically increase the chances that your child will grow up emotionally intact.  Just keep telling yourself that kids need both their parents.  Would you be a great single parent?  It’s irrelevant. What’s damaging for your kid is feeling abandoned by the other parent.

5. Remember that your child did not get divorced. Most of the time when a parent loses contact with a child after a divorce it is because of the conflict between the ex-spouses.    He is still related to, and needs, both of his parents.  Be happy when he has fun with the other parent.  Don’t make him feel guilty for loving his other parent.  Your job is the opposite, to nurture his relationship with his other parent.

6. Before sitting down with your child to announce the divorce, plan what you will tell the kids so there are clear answers to any questions they have.  As much as possible, plan to keep the child’s life as much the same as possible – home, bedroom, school, activities, friends, etc.  This is important to give your child some stability during a very hard time.

7. Sit down together with the kids when you tell them about the divorce.Tell them that you both did your best to save the marriage and that the decision to live apart was made by both people.  Don’t put the blame on either partner.  Don’t apologize for the decision.  Instead, say that you think that even though there may be a tough transition, the divorce will give everyone a better life in the long run.  If your child has seen you fighting, you can refer to that. Otherwise, just say that you are happier living apart, which will make you better parents when you live apart. If your child says you are destroying the family, stress that each of you is still in a family with your child, and that you will stay connected as the child’s parents.

8.  Reassure kids they are not responsible for the separation.  Emphasize that this is a decision that you will not reconsider.

9. Reassure kids that you both still love them very much and that you both will be there for them and be an active part of their lives.

10. Commit to your kids that as much as possible will remain the same in their lives (home, room, school, activities, friends, etc) and that both parents will be there to support kids in their endeavors (shuttle them to sports games and see school performances, for instance.)

11. Tell kids they can see the other parent whenever they want to.  Make this easy for them. Your goal for the kids is stability and as much time with each parent as possible. Give them cell phones so they can have a relationship with each parent that isn’t mediated by the other.

12. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

13. Don’t ask children to choose who to live with.

14. Let your child rage, cry, and vent.  This will feel like a death to them, and in fact it is: the death of their family.  Resist the urge to defend your decision.  This is not about you, it is about them. They’re entitled to their feelings.

15. Never ask your kids to take sides, even subtly.

16. Never say negative things about each other to the kids.

17. Never talk about each other in front the kids, even if they’re across the room and you’re on the phone with a friend.  They will hear every word. Never say anything in front of your kids that you don’t want repeated to your ex.

18. Maintain appropriate boundaries with kids in your discussions, not just about your spouse, but about everything.  Don’t let your child  “take care” of you. Find adult support.

19.  Show up, no matter what is going on with your ex. Be aware that children need time with each parent more than ever during a divorce and be there to spend time with them. Make sure your child still feels connected to you when she is with the other parent by staying in touch via phone, skype, email, texting.

20.  Be there whenever your child needs to talk.  Listen, and reflect back what you hear:  “Sounds like you’re pretty mad at Mom and me that we’re getting divorced.”  Let your child have his or her feelings, don’t try to argue.

21. Maintain family routines, rules, schedules, and structures.  As much as possible, maintain family rituals.

22. Don’t relay messages through your kids.

23. Remember that if your ex has a new girl or boy friend, your job is to insure that your ex still relates to your child.  Now that this new person is part of your child’s life, your goal is to help your child have a positive relationship with that person as well.  Negativity toward the new flame will always be counter-productive and could drive your ex away from your child. If your ex has another child, stress the positive role of the big sibling.

24.  Take the high road.  If one parent acts irresponsibly, the other may be tempted to also (by badmouthing them, for instance).  This temptation should be resisted, as it is always bad for the kids.  So even, for example, if you are the custodial parent and your spouse stops paying child support, don’t share this info with your kids.  It will make them feel even more abandoned and unloved.

25. Put off dating for awhile.  If you do develop a relationship, don’t be in a hurry to introduce your new flame to your child.  Your kids have already lost their family.  They need time to get used to the idea of a step-parent.  It won’t help them to get close to a potential step-parent only to lose them. And not to throw cold water on the idea that you could find Mr or Ms Right, but the single most active letters on this website are on the page “My husband (their stepdad) hates my kids.“  I don’t want you to join that forum, so please summon up every bit of patience you can as you think about your own romantic future.  As we all know, it’s easy to act in haste when you’re on the rebound, and it’s harder to get out of a marriage than to get in.

What I’m prescribing is a tall order, especially for parents who still have issues about their ex (and who doesn’t?)!  If you need to get some counseling to help you work through your own feelings about the divorce, don’t hesitate.

For more information and other resources with Dr. Laura Markham, visit:  www.ahaparenting.com 

Thanks so much to the parents, soon-to-be parents, siblings, grandparents and other readers who are following Our Nutrition Series, and even better yet – asked some amazing questions!

Questions covering divorce; full-throttle schedules; birth and pressure to bounce back into shape; men’s habits…and more, including a recipe.

Here are our Nourishing answers;

As a parent of two, I have busy, irregular schedule.  My days are filled juggling the kids, my work, meetings, the kids’ activities, bedtime hassles….and I’m stressed out! How do you cope, eat well, and still provide healthy foods for yourself and your family? 

It’s important to remember that children learn from example. It’s just as key to set a positive example of a healthy, balanced lifestyle as it is of healthy, mindful eating. Take 15 minutes out of your busy schedule, every day, to relax and reflect. When it comes to meal time, slow down, sit at the table, remove distractions and enjoy one another’s company – even if it’s just for 20 minutes. This is truthfully one of the healthiest habits you can develop with your children. When it comes to choosing foods, stock your cupboards and fridge with foods that will make healthy eating attainable, even when you’re tight for time. Keep in mind it’s important to maintain perspective rather than aiming for perfection. That way, when you aren’t “perfect,” you’ll be less hard on yourself and more likely to move forward with a positive attitude.

What are your go-to snacks and meals for parents with limited time, suffering from an energy crisis, and when the cooking is the last thing we want to do?

We have good news!  The great thing about eating whole, real foods is that they are naturally full of flavor, packed with nutrition and are ready to eat as is (like a banana!). Raw veggies and fruit are nature’s perfect finger foods. If you pair the veggies with a dipping sauce, like hummus, and the fruit with nut butter (e.g., peanut butter, almond butter, or our favorite hazelnut butter!), you’ve got a perfectly well balanced snack. Other snack ideas? Pair those dips with whole grain crackers. Cheese paired with fruit is also a super easy snack on-the-go. As for our favorite granola bars, we love CLIF Z Bars and Crunch Bars. They’re a great source of whole grains and are made with quality ingredients we trust.

For meals, we have more good news! Eating whole, real food has never been more convenient. It’s now easy to find prewashed and cut veggies, 1 minute brown rice, and delicious healthy sauces all in your local market. Add these up and the time to prepare a delicious meal is cut in half.  Some of our easy go-to meals?  Omelets loaded with veggies and served with a side of toast, whole wheat pasta with sautéed veggies and your choice of cheese, whole meal salads (think: brown rice, black beans, tomatoes, avocado…), and soup!  Soup and chili are both so easy to prepare and make for perfect leftovers. Carve out one night a week when you can cook up a large batch. Here is one of our favorite, hearty, and heart-warming recipe for this time of year.

After just giving birth to my first child, I feel like I’m expected to lose all the pregnancy weight and spring back to “normal.” While I loved being pregnant I feel like it really took a toll on my body. What is “normal” and how do I get there?

It really is amazing to think about what your body has gone through over the last year! We can’t emphasize enough how important it is appreciate your body for what it’s done. The weight you gained when you were pregnant was essential for the growth of your baby. Remember, most of the celebrities you read or hear about return to their pre-pregnancy bodies regardless of the extreme measure they have to take. For most women, about 12-15 lbs are lost during delivery and the remainder of the weight you have gained will be lost based on your activity levels, eating habits, and the amount of weight you gained during pregnancy. If you are currently breastfeeding, an additional 1.5-2 lbs will be lost per month, and it is still essential to provide your body with the energy it needs.  For the first six months during breastfeeding, your body needs approximately 330 kcals or more per day. After the sixth month mark, your body needs 400 extra calories or more per day. Be good to yourself and nourish your body with real, whole foods that help you feel good.

Is it just me, or do men never seem to worry about food, nutrition or their bodies?  Do men really have any nutrition issues?

In the minds of many, body image, eating disorders, and even simple nutrition concerns are something only women struggle with. The truth is men are susceptible to many of the same pressures women are, but are generally less open talking about them. Disordered eating among men is actually on the rise and unfortunately, male nutrition, body image, and disordered eating concerns can go unnoticed simply because they are just not talked about.  One issue that tends to impact males more than females is muscle dysmorphia, which can lead to preoccupation with becoming muscular and having extremely low body fat. So what can men do? Strive to be healthy and happy, rather than thin or muscular at any cost.

My ex-husband and I share parenting duties. I sometimes worry about what my kids are eating when I’m not with them. Any tips for how I can ensure my kids are eating well when I’m not able to cook them dinner?

When it comes to feeding your children, open communication is the key for encouraging positive eating habits. Your job as parents is simply to offer a variety of nutritious foods at regular intervals throughout the day and to encourage your child to listen to their hunger and fullness cues. Ellyn Satter, author of the “How to Get Your Kid to Eat, but Not Too Much” describes the Golden Rule for Parenting with Food:  Parents are responsible for what food is presented and the manner in which it is presented. Children are responsible for how much and even whether they eat. If you and your ex-husband work on developing planned meals and snacks throughout the day, consisting of nutritious foods you are both comfortable providing your children, you’ve done most of the work. Also know that allowing your children to enjoy all foods in moderation is a good thing!

Following along each month with new topics, share and get answers to your questions with Our Nourishing Partners, Nourishrds