More Replies to “What Do Teenagers and Two Year Olds Have In Common”

by Julia Neiman, Our Special Guest Expert on Parenting Teenagers and Teen Life Coach

In response to some of the comments made to our recent article What Do Teenagers and Two Year Olds Have In Common:  Comments made by Nick, Yahya, Susan, Tracey and Trick… 

Answer to Nick:

Nick, you ask the sixty-four thousand dollar question.  In my experience, it’s about developing a new mindset where you are not rattled by anything they say.  I’m not advocating that you necessarily disengage from your opinion, I am however, suggesting that you be empathetic and “hear” their opinion.  Ask why their opinion is important to them then validate their feelings.  After that, you can explain to them why your opinion is important to you.  This brings about understanding.  This is a basic conflict resolution skill.

One of the keys is to remember that, just like when they were two, they are trying to find their way in the world.  And just like when they were two, you need to have patience and be there to guide them on their path.

 

Thank you Yahya.

I love the advice you give the parents you work with.  Begin with your belief and know your intentions are important tools that parents need to use often.  Bridging the gap is particularly relevant today as we call the current young generation, Gen Why.   They want to know the why of everything and it behooves parents to know why they do what they do, and be clear on their motives so they can answer the why question when they are asked.

 

Reply to Susan:

I appreciate your kind words Susan, thank you.  I love my work.  It’s so satisfying to be able to help parents change their approach to their teens and transform their relationships.

 

Reply to Tracey:

Thank you for your comment Tracey.  It is a challenge not to give in to that smile or laugh sometimes, but it is necessary.  The key is to realize that they are trying to find their way to create themselves as separate individuals and as a parent, all you can really do is offer guidance and be supportive.  The tantrums are how they communicate their frustration.  That’s why parents need to develop good investigative techniques so you can figure out what they are really trying to say.

Reply to Trick:
Thank you for your kind words Tink.  My approach developed and grew from my experience working with foster youth in group home settings in particular.  I was appalled at how some of the staff treated the kids and how the mental health professionals tried to drug them into submission.  These kids didn’t do anything other than have parents who abused them, were drug addicts or criminals.  They had a right to be angry, sullen and depressed.  It became my life’s mission to try to educate adults to treat kids with respect and help them feel loved.  I’m still parenting some of the teens from my group home years who are now in their late twenties and early thirties.  I’ve made a difference in their lives and they have had a significant impact on my life.
ParenTv Network supports the on-going conversation about parenting during the teenage years.  It is as important to be speaking about the teenage development years as it is the early child development years.   Write questions, make comments, share your experience to ParenTv Network, at www.ptvn.org or even send @ParenTvNetwork a Tweet.
Find more from Julia Neiman with ParenTv Network here at www.ptvn.org.

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1 Comments

  1. Tink January 27, 2012

    Julia – I think you must be the “Teen Whisperer” as your brilliant approach reminds me of how, so often, education of the parent is the true key that unlocks the barriers to successful and loving relationship with a teen. I actually got goose-bumps reading your article and the comments that followed because I grew up at a time (50s, 60s) when the old, antiquated parenting model was still alive and well: Children were not respected, often told, “You do X, because I say so!” Too many children were treated as possessions, not individuals. My Catholic friends were often reminded of the 10 Commandments and particularly, Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother – NO QUESTIONS ASKED! I always wondered why there wasn’t an 11th Commandment that stated: Honor Thy Child. It is deeply exciting to see a new model of parenting emerge, evolve and improve. I hold the hope that, one day, all teens around the world will be cherished for the amazingly gifted and innovative individuals they are. Thank you for your insight, dedication and wonderful heart!

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