Special Contribution by Tara Ewalt, the @momofaaddict

Through a Twitter request, @momofaaddict sent @ParenTvNetwork a DM expressing her struggle.  She wanted to openly share her concern for her child who is an addict.  Find other parents and learn what other parents may be experiencing — even learned, as young adult death tolls are sadly increasing.  The following is her writing that came from our Tweet exchange.

My Sweet Boy, an Addict

When I started to write about my son’s addiction, it was in an anonymous blog.  I did not want anyone to know that I had a child who is a drug addict. It is embarrassing.

After all what kind of mother would allow her child to be this way?  What kind of mother was I to have him turn to drugs? What would my friends and family think?  It was a secret that was killing my family; not only was his addiction killing us, keeping the secret was too. For me it was really hard to see my son go down this path. I tried so many times to rescue and help him; nothing worked no matter how hard I tried. No matter what I did it was never enough to get him off drugs.  

I felt that I somehow had screwed him up so badly, that I caused this. In some way maybe I did, but it was not intentional. Who says I can’t wait for my son to grow up to shoot heroin… no one I know. But I feel this is my fault. I am sure many parents of addicts feel that way. And it stinks. You are no longer the person that can fix this for your child and make it all go away. I get it.  I am sad, hopeless, angry and all my emotions all over the place. It took a long time but I decided I have had it.

I have had it with his disease controlling every aspect of my being. Had it, with carrying the shame of this. Had it with the lies I tell to cover it up. I  am tired of all of it. WE the families are not really talked about or have a voice. We are left with mess after mess to clean up, and no one to talk to about it.  We are left to pick of the pieces of our lives and dance around their issues. All of our energy, time and money goes to helping our drug addicted children. And as parents that is what we do.

But in all the rehab, therapy to get them well, we the families are left with this alone. Well I have had it being without a voice and feeling shame. I need support and help like all of us parents of addicts do.  I needed to get out there to tell parents that you are not alone in this struggle; there are many of us here in the shadows. I also have realized that I was not going to be an addict of his addiction any longer. It does not mean I don’t love him, or don’t talk to him. I do text or talk to him daily.

What it means is that I need to take care of me, my daughter and my life. This is something that we need to do, and not feel guilty taking care of us. Sad thing is we forget how to take care of us or what we even need. We need to group together in more ways than one.

I hope in reading this that you realize you are not alone. Right now, I am no longer allowing this addiction to define my life or control it, I cant.  As my very wise sister in law said to me. “We are not his God or God at all. He has to fix his own life. ”  That is very true.  So with that I have some peace, knowing I am not  his God, I am not a failure as a mom. That I have done all that I could, given all I could give. I know I will always love him and tell him all the time. And be there for him when he is clean and sober. But I am choosing to no longer be a part of his addiction. 

Parents go through a multitude of emotions.  Hearing so many tough-love advice and things to do, or rather, not do.   But what happens for the parent?   What do parents like Tara really go through in a single day?  Who understands this aspect of being a parent when it seems “you” are the only one having to handle such a situation?   What can parents do when they find out a family member is an addict?

Connect and gain support with other parents is useful….. That’s what Tara Ewalt and @momofaaddict are finding helpful on a daily basis.   Drugs and drinking is important to be talking about…. it’s also important to be talking about addiction.

Also, visit The Society for Adolescent Health and Medicine (SAHM) 

To learn more about talking to your family members about drinking and drugs, follow this link with the American Academy of Pediatrics.

You the parent are on the pulse of what’s happening inside families.    For comments and suggestions, contact ParenTv Network.   You can find more about Tara Ewalt on Twitter with @momofaaddict.